Let me know in the comments below!
As you might have noticed, this newsletter is not a substack. There was a moment when people were caring that substack was platforming some pretty bad people, and in that moment, I was just starting out, so I signed up for Ghost instead. (Mildly fun story about that in my first post here.) I was half-lamenting this moral stance recently because I'm sure the other platform is better for discovery, yadda yadda, but also because substacks have comment sections, and I was thinking I would like that opportunity for "engagement." Until a few days ago, I thought you couldn't have a comment section on here. Wrong! You can, so now I do.
But comment sections are mostly awful! I think a lot about some lines from this old TikTok from the brilliant and funny Ryan Ken on how many people seem to use comment sections.
"It's clear to me the process of writing is not a reflective process for a lot of people, that it is purely a mechanical one of emotion to output."
"... so many people are using this app [TikTok] to emotionally regulate"
"other people's diary that they should be keeping"
These were on my mind the last time I felt compelled to comment on a YouTube video. I follow a declutter channel where the host posts weekly episodes of a declutter process with a follower who needs help. She'll spend several episodes in one home, then move on to another one. A recent subject of the show was a very different vibe (charmingly cantankerous) from the previous subject who had brought in a lot of new viewers to the channel, and holy shit did the comments want to let her know that.
Every video of this poor woman's series had comments about how the host had the patience of a saint, or how this was a really hard watch for them. As if it isn't fun to watch a woman go through every twist tie that's ever entered her home! It's a declutter channel for Christ's sake. And now I've probably said too much, and you'll be able to find my comment, but I couldn't get over how people were writing these nasty judgments in a public forum where the nice older woman (who is a caretaker for her sick husband by the way!!! let her hang on to three hundred old ziplocs!!!) could read it.
Of course seeing someone you deem to be a hoarder (debatable) could very well be triggering if you grew up in that environment (magnanimous of me), and I grant that you might need to think and feel some things around that. But think for one more second and then pick up a g.d. pen and paper. Text a friend. Feel sad for a little bit. Hell, close the tab! These people are cyber-bullying an old lady stranger under the guise of confessional catharsis, and I'm getting worked up again.
I know everyone reading this is perfect and would never use a comment section to passive aggressively bully anyone, but I fear I could have put you in your heads about what might be a nice thing to leave here. Here are some examples of what could be appropriate:
Malin, insightful as always. Here is what you should do with your life: [then you tell me what I should do with my life, but in like a nice, encouraging way where I can tell you are rooting for me and there's no condescension or anything]
Malin, you've done it again. The worst thing I've ever seen in a comment section is this: [something bad but on the level of what I'm describing]
Malin, I am a very wealthy person in my Medici era, and I was hoping you might like some money to make your movies. [your email address or the best way to get in touch] I also have a person who can do all of the annoying parts for you.
Malin, sounds like you were the kindest and also the smartest person in that comment section. That's why I subscribe here.
Malin, you have quite a collection of glass jars in your home right now – are you projecting at all with this lady? [no, I am not, but it is a thoughtful comment nevertheless.]
I actually think most of the comment section ills I'm complaining about don't occur in ones like this, where everyone knows me personally and likes me at least somewhat, but let's see!!! Comment away.
